This may be a very short offering.
About three this morning, I rose from my bed to go to the bathroom. On the way back to bed - in the utterly dark, windowless room where I sleep, I stepped on something soft that let out a hideous and piercing shriek.
It turned out to be a yellow plastic carrot with a face on it that is the dog Una’s favorite toy. I can recommend similar incidents to anyone who needs a cheap, heart-stopping moment during the night.
Here is a story about my dog. You will know it is not true, because it is based on telegrams, and she is not old enough to have sent telegrams.
Una, my dog decides to send me a telegram.
“I would like to say, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof,” she tells the operator.
“OK,” he says, “but, if you like, you can send a tenth woof for no extra money.”
“Yes, “ says Una, “but then it would make no sense.”
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